LIFE HAS TWO SIDES TO IT, THE SERIOUS AND THE NOT SO SERIOUS.
We train in the serious side much of the time. However, I often see things as not really
being so very serious much of the time. Thinking of our Service men overseas is very serious.
I thought since so many of these men write me to say that they read and enjoy my page,
that if I could make them smile or laugh for just a moment, it would make me both happy and
proud to do so.
With that thought in both heart and mind, this is for you guys.
I have twisted the facts here, but the thoughts are drawn from real life experience.
I hope this gives you a moment of laughter. We are proud of you all and want you to know it.
God Bless.
FROM MY DOGS POINT OF VIEW
It seems that more and more people have been gifted with the ability to not only talk dog language but to actually be able to read the dog's mind as well. Lately I have found myself sitting in front of my dogs deep in thought trying to pass or receive a message. For all of my time with them I just can't get it. Just as I think my dogs are logging on they turn and lick themselves. I can be right in the middle of sending a mental question as to why they lick themselves and they just turn and do it. Maybe I don't dress right or have a mystical name like "Lady Dog talker" or "Mister the whisperer". Whatever it is I want to talk to them and I want them to talk to me. After all if they will pass psychic messages to complete strangers, why not to me. Am I not "Magic Mike"?
I have however made some headway into the unknown I think that I have contacted dogs from beyond the grave. I know you are thinking that I am nuts but just let me explain. This morning while sending my messages across the kitchen to my dog, I noticed that the window was frosted in a very peculiar manner. It was then clear to me that it was in the shape of a dog. I called some of the guys to look at it. As the hair stood up on the back of my neck they moved their heads from side to side. They just could not make out the dog in frost upon the glass. Then it came to me….a message from beyond. Almost as if being led by some unseen force I reached out and with my index finger I began to form a dogs shape in the frost. Everyone in the room stood there looking at me in wonder. Still there in front of us all, a dog was taking shape in the frost upon the glass. I had finally been accepted into the unseen word of dog mediums.
It seems some of the unbelievers in the kitchen saw a fish, while one swears he saw a lame duck, but I saw the dog plain as day.
We live in a very interesting world. As global warming continues I plan to keep an eye out for images in the sand. Only this morning one of my dogs left a message in the snow. I am still trying to decipher it………..isn't life wonderful from my dogs point of view?
©Mike McConnery/Baden K9 Incorporated, 02/06/07
HOLLOWEEN AND PETSTUPID
Well it's that time of year again, time to pack away the kids and dress up your dog. Lay out the treats to lead him into
the closet and then slam the door on him. That way you will have his full co-operation in dressing him up in his costume.
What oh what should the little dog be? There are so many favorites this year. Just think, this festive time was once
wasted on children. The ungrateful little noise makers.
There is so much to get excited over. If the treats are
not to doggies liking, they bring their own shit to place on the porch of the wrong doer.
We can dress them as ghosts,
or angels, clowns or fairies. It is so majestic walking an angel on all fours at the end of a lead. We won't stay out too
long as we may begin to miss the laughter of the children. Then we may realize we are walking a dog in a costume that
cost us an arm and a leg.
There is so much joy in it though, as the little furry clown lifts his leg and pisses
on the plastic pumpkins. Before long we have a little bag of ghost shit tied to our lead.
I love Pet Stupid. I love
Halloween. I am so glad the kids don't have to be there to see Pet Stupid parents carrying bags of dogshit and actually
smiling about it. I do think though that Halloween should be left to the children. After all we don't want a dog
swallowing a razor blade loaded dog biscuit. We could change it to Holloween head night. Seems to fit with Pet stupid
does it not?
©Mike McConnery/Baden K9 Incorporated, 10/17/06
REALITY
I read in a dog magazine about the humanization of dogs. The writer was actually excited about how dog food companies
and veterinarians, as well as suppliers, were making dogs more human. There was an article that gave advice on what
pills to give your dog and what chews contained calcium and vitamins. It was sort of funny when one thinks of all the
pills and money spent to give your dog its proper nutrients and a rib bone is cheaper and healthier. Then I remembered
us humans don't eat raw meat and bones. It would not be healthy for us to do so. We are not equipped to grind bone and
to digest raw meat or gut. It does not smell or taste good to us. In fact it would not be healthy for us.
Common
sense tells us we must eat those things which are good for us to eat. Only our senior citizens eat dog food,
but that's because we think more of our dogs and have agencies and laws to protect them. Corporations donate food
and money to feed and keep dogs and cats in shelters. People volunteer to keep the dogs company and to exercise them
and to make certain they get out into the fresh air. After all we love our dogs that is why we want to legally
make them human.
Maybe we should see how much we have in common with our dogs then we can understand how close
we are to them. A bitch looks after her pups until they are old enough to leave her care. Well, the dog wins on this one.
Dogs do not look after their sires or dams as they age. In fact they will turn and attack them driving them off.
I think we are pretty close on this one. Dogs pay little or no attention to their young after a certain age.
They are left to face the world by themselves. We are pretty close here also. Dogs are very loyal to those they are
bonded to. They will and have given their lives before betraying them even though they themselves have been betrayed.
The dogs win again on this one.
We humans should maybe consider the fact that dogs are best left as dogs. After all
the reality of the situation is that dogs lick their own anus and we humans are satisfied in simply kissing everyone
else's. That's how we get into so much trouble.
©Mike McConnery/Baden K9, 03/02/06
DOG BEHAVIOURISTS
A short while ago I was asked to attend a seminar given by a dog behaviorist and physic. I grudgingly said, “Yes,” and found myself immersed in a world of unknown origins.
This seminar was held in a meeting room at a large hotel. At the door was a lady in her early forties greeting everyone as they handed over their ticket. Inside the large room, chairs were placed around tables, giving it a restaurant setting. Food, I thought to myself. Things were definitely looking up.
The room was quickly filling with people and the chatter was getting louder and louder. Over my right shoulder I could hear a large woman telling another woman, “I hope to speak to my little Alvin.”
She clutched a framed photograph of Alvin to her chest as she spoke.
“If anyone can reach him,” the other woman answered, “she can……she’s good.”
Wow, I thought, we are going to get to hear from one of the famous chipmunks.
Music started to play softly over loud speakers and then “she’” appeared, slightly tripping over an extension cord as she walked to the front of the room. I am skeptical about these types of people and always wonder why if they can see beyond our mortal bonds that she did not see something as obvious as that extension cord and avoid it. At any rate she collected herself and as several people applauded her appearance ,I asked outloud, “When do we eat?”
This remark drew a disagreeable glance from two women in dark dresses with matching scarves and sneers. I smiled and at that instant had a cold feeling come over me. “I am Mike McConnery,” I thought to myself, “Most of these people hate me and I am now completely surrounded.” I sank down in my chair at that point and looked seriously toward the exits.
My thoughts were broken when the speaker announced, “Remember dogs are people too.” I snickered a bit only to draw looks from several other obviously annoyed ladies. I sank further down into my chair.
The first part of the seminar was spent on giving advice to problems people were having with their dogs. “My dog urinates on my bed,” one woman stated.
“Try coaxing him outside with a cookie,” was the solution offered.
“My little boy chews my panties up,” another stated.
“Try coaxing him away with a cookie,” the speaker offered.
“In fact for everything from plant eating to killing the cat, “cookies” were the magical solution.
Looking at these women I could see getting a hold of cookies in their homes would be an easy project. After about an hour and a half of hearing “Cookie….cookie…cookie,” the music started again. This time it was the theme from Star Wars. The lights dimmed and the atmosphere changed. I waited for David Copperfield to appear. He didn’t.
The lady who was at the door now came up front. She too, tripped over the extension cord. This time I laughed. It felt like the temperature in the room went up fifty degrees, as every eye was squinting in my direction. You guessed it, I went further into my chair.
Instruction was being given as to the connecting with puppy heaven and questions given. Advice on previous lives of pets would also be offered at this time. Hands went up all over the room and a huge lady in a polka dot dress asked about her little dog. She was tear filled as she spoke. You could see the hankies come out all over the room. I leaned over to the person I had come with and whispered, “She probably ate him.” My smile was slowly leaving my face after making my eating comment, when I noticed a woman looking over her glasses at me. “That is about enough out of you,” she hissed.
I was certain that I had seen this woman before someplace, then it came to me she was the mean one from the movie, “One Hundred Dalmatians.” At least she was a spitting image of her. Just then a shrill sigh broke the icy stare that held me. It was the woman with, “Alvin’s” photograph. She was standing up clutching the framed photograph to her chest. “Oh Alvin, Oh Alvin,” she repeated.
The woman at the front of the room had obviously contacted Alvin and I had missed it all because that woman had intimidated me. The seminar lady now spoke. “He says, he loves you,” she told the frame lady.
Incredible, I thought, dogs get to talk when they die. Thank goodness they can only bark when they are alive or we would all be in trouble.
“I see cats,”the behaviorist, slash, guru went on. “Yessssssssssss Alvinnnnnnnnnn.”
Damn, I thought, that pooch Alvin is really talking up a storm. It was almost unbelievable. O.K who am I kidding it was totally unbelievable. Then it came out, like a bolt of light from a far off mountain, an eliminating, freedom giving sign from the doggie here after. One more drawn out, “Yessssssssssss, I will tellllllllllll mommy Alvinnnnnnnnn,” and then she looked right into, or through, or at least at, the chubby, crying blubbery woman who was now shaking and hugging the photograph so tightly that I had visions of paramedics pulling glass out of her oversized bosom.
The silence was getting to me. I almost jumped up and yelled “Tell her, damn it, free her.”
“Alvin wants me to tell you he has many new cat friends.”
The big woman almost fell to her knees. She blurted out, “Oh thank you, he hated cats when he was alive.”
What an amazing revelation just think Alvin who hated cats, was now amongst them. A dog that hated cats now loved them. I could feel the love in the room.
The big lady was about to ask another question when, as if the spell broke, she was told she could arrange a private reading at another time. Then the room was asked for another dupe, or I mean participant. I put my hand up. Several of the ladies looked daggers at me, I fixed my stare towards the fortune teller, ere I mean, behaviorist. “Yes?” she asked me, “And your question to your dear one is?”
”I would like to hear from Tippy,” I said.
“How sweet,” the glass lady said. I think she actually winked at me.
The enchantress sank back into her chair. “Tippyyyyyyy?” she inquired, “Are you there?” “Tipppyyyyyyy?”
“Yesssssss, yesssssssss I will tell daddy.” She was talking to the ceiling.
“ She says she is happy and loves to run free every day. “Did she love to run when she was with you?” she asked me.
“Well,” I answered, “Not really, Tippy was my fish.”
Again the woman with the glasses turned vicious. “He’s a trouble maker,” she shouted.
Time to leave and I did. I still wonder about Tippy though. I never really knew a Tippy except in a child’s book I read as a boy, but I was enlightened. Very enlightened.
©Mike McConnery/Baden K9, 10/06/05
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